12 Steps to Loving Yourself


Even if you think love yourself enough, perhaps you could show it more by being better to yourself and making sure your own needs get met. At times we all need to tend our own garden.

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you a giver or a fixer?
  2. Do you give until it hurts and then give some more?
  3. Do other people drain your tank?

If you answered Yes, Yes, Yes then the only other question to answer is: When do YOU become a priority? If you didn’t relate to the questions, the following suggestions might still be helpful in your mind-body-spirit maintenance.

selfloveBeing a holistic person, I know the importance of balancing the mind, body and spirit. Sometimes we are better at focusing on one or two of these items and neglecting at least one of this important elements that is vital for overall well-being. For example, being a psychic medium, the focus on the spirit is so important to my career, and on the other hand I am not physically strong so I have to be creative with exercise or it’s probably not going to happen. Everyone has their own story, reasons or excuses, but nurturing the self in any way you can is like recharging the batteries and in some cases, signing a new lease on life.

In reviewing the steps below, please keep in mind that this is just a suggestive guide and not a one-size fits all program, but even if you have to pick and choose, taking care of your own needs for a change could make a big difference in the quality of your life.

  1. Worthiness. First realize that you are WORTH love and attention. If you need traditional therapy or self-help books, then it’s a great place to start. If you don’t feel worthy, the rest of the steps might be mute.
  2. Forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the past. You cannot go back and change things, but you can learn the lessons you need for moving forward in a beneficial way. Our past offers us tools for our future. Beyond forgiveness, practice compassion for yourself. You are here to improve, but you are not here to be perfect.
  3. Clean House! You may not like this one, but cleaning the clutter in your environment will have a direct effect on how you feel about your surroundings AND yourself. Tackle the pile you keep looking away from.
  4. Attitude. Staying positive in a negative environment is so challenging. If this is the case for you, then you might need to reassess what or who keeps bringing you down other than yourself. If you can divorce yourself from these situations, you can more easily make room for more smiles and less stress. For more help with this, please see 10 Life Hacks to Stay Positive. You can’t always control stress, but you might be able to get a handle on how you react to it.
  5. Date yourself. Take advantage of any time alone with enjoyment rather than sadness. Get a massage, lay on the beach or read a book. If you have a busy schedule and people are always tugging at you, then learn to say NO once in a while. Sometimes saying no to others is saying YES to yourself.
  6. Spiritual practice. Acknowledge your spiritual being and honor it by adopting a new spiritual practice. Explore your core beliefs. Join a new church that aligns with those beliefs or if you have a current place of worship, join the outreach program or a committee that will take your spiritual growth to the next level. Learning mediation, yoga or anything that centers you will also assist in your personal growth.
  7. Volunteerism. Nothing is more rewarding than helping others. There are times in life when volunteerism is not feasible, but if you have the time, explore what tugs at your heart the most, make some calls and see where you might fit it into your schedule.
  8. Eat well, exercise more. Studies have shown for years that positive changes in lifestyle will make people happy as well as healthy. Don’t think you can? Instead of setting yourself up for failure, make a list of all the things you need to change and just tackle ONE item every month. Imagine how many good habits you’ll adopt by the end one year!
  9. Be more social. Make new friends and enjoy old ones.  Take classes and learn something that has always interested you, join a new gym, plan a dinner party. Learning new things and having thought-provoking conversations keeps your mind sharp and your spirit happy.
  10. Pick up an old hobby or learn a new one. Don’t have time? Then work on your time management first. It’s very important to have “creative energy” time in your routine. Regardless of where your talents are (and some people have to explore new things), creating is cleansing and distressing.
  11. Surprise yourself! Do something nice for yourself for no particular reason other than love. Buy some fresh flowers for your home and your office. Go buy that gorgeous blouse you loved before you saw the price. You’re worth it, remember?
  12. Work with the Law of Attraction. Write down some goals for the next year or two and make a vision board, write affirmations or one of the other many methods for manifesting new things for your life.

There are certainly many self-help books and techniques, therapists and life coaches if you need more support, but following even baby steps to honor yourself without the guilt of feeling self-indulgent is very liberating to the mind-body-spirit connection.

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