Loved Ones: Always by Our Side

No rules. No GPS. Just a wide open road ahead. It’s lonely, cold and isolated. Grief can feel like you are the only one on a dark highway trying to find your way home, and the trip seems like forever at times. In the more intense stages, there is almost too much time and space to think on this journey. There is so much preoccupying your head, but none of it really has any structure. Some find their way to the woulda shoulda game or the haunting what if’s. Other’s just find their eyes gazing upon nothingness with no particular expectations. One of the biggest responsibilities the mind has is to seek order. How can it do its job at a time like this? How can we wrap our brains around the concept of loss when we are so enveloped in its pain? Grief keeps us prisoner, and while quietly serving our time many of us lose faith. It could be in God, the afterlife, the future or all of them. That’s when the highway really gets lonely.

Grief is hard enough to endure without having faith that life goes on. Sometimes even the most faithful people will lose it for a time as they try to make sense of the current circumstances. Many thoughts run especially wild when someone cross unexpectedly. Am I being punished? Was it my fault? What kind of god could take them like that? I am mad at God. He turned his back on us. While psychologists will tell you this is a very normal stage of grief, it is also agonizing. Everyone is going to grieve differently, and some steps might be easier to get through, but anyone going through the anger will eventually find forgiveness.

yououtthereMany people will tell you they feel their loved on around a lot, and some people are frustrated because they don’t. I get both types in my office equally. I am very happy for those who receive and recognize the signs. They use less tissues during our session and seem more comfortable even in their grief because the afterlife has been validated and their faith is unshaken. The other people though—the ones who desperately need to know their loved one hasn’t gone forever—those are the people my heart bleeds for most.

If you are one of the people who gets frustrated from the lack of signs, there are few things you really need to understand. Many factors are involved in who experiences what, how and when, and you must not lose your faith. Loved ones are ALWAYS with us. If you understand just a little about quantum physics (I’m hardly an expert) then you might apply parallel worlds to this concept. We CAN be in two places at once. Our loved ones do move on to another realm, but they are also by our side. Even the temporary absence of faith is enough to hinder both the progress of grief and recognizing signs.

What stage of grief you are in is also very important. I tell people as a general rule that I would prefer not to read for them until two or three months have passed since the transition. Some people believe that spirits need to acclimate, and some do. It depends on the life they may have led, but that that’s not why I prefer this delay in reading. It’s really about the grief process. For me, reading is an exchange of energy. My client is fully involved in the process. Using a few tissues is common, but if a client is unable to give me that exchange because their pain is too fresh, then the reading experience might not be as successful as it could be. So if I have a problem reading for someone because of the imbalance of energy, then how would they expect to get signs on their own? I realize this is not something people often think of, but if your physical life is out of balance, your spiritual life will often follow suit.

For the very same reasons above, you might be missing signs that you’re actually getting! You aren’t always going to get signs the way someone else does, so you might be looking in the wrong direction. That can lead to extreme disappointment. Even after much of the grief has passed, we can still have problems with that connection. For instance they might be very subtle because your gifts were never really developed. The real trick is to keep your faith that loved ones are with us and stop looking so hard. Anything from common life stresses to the doubt that we can see signs might keep us from connecting. We have to start by giving ourselves a break. We all need compassion.

So what can we do to help us get the signs? The two most valuable tips I can offer is, 1. to allow yourself the time to heal (at least to the degree that you’re able to), and 2. to learn meditation. I know many people say they can’t, and perhaps that’s true during strong grief stages, but don’t say can’t! It just takes practice and patience to quiet that little inner voice who has been narrating your life since you were born. Why would they expect to shut up now? Like a little child, you need to train the mind to be calm and quiet. I encourage you learn meditation for the benefit of mind, body and spirit. The result is a raising of your vibrations and becoming aware of your higher self. When you have accomplished that, it’s like opening the door a little wider and allowing more light into the room. Until you achieve that, believe that all things are possible!


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